i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Life is so much better after having sex.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
