It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize