I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
