If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
