did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
