remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
