I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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