I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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