Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
