Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
