I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
