if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
