This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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