Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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