Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
