My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
