We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
