There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
