Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am midnight drunk by noon
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
