if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
