why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize