She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
