brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
