Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
