I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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