my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I looked at my own cervix.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize