Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
