tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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