in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
