We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
