My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize