I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
