i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
