remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
