I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
