OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
