if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
