I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
