Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
