winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
