i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
