so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
