He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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