The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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