he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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