totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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