Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
this hospital has no fireball
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
