You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize