My pussy is not your playground.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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