Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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