There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
