Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
