I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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