if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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