Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
