PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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