it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
