took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
