haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
