Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
