I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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