my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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