So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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