Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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