im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
