All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
