Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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