when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
